About Karina

Karina’s Journey

An unplanned path through motherhood and finding the way back to loving myself.

Cracking me wide open

Given that both my husband and I were experienced Paediatric RN’s, I honestly thought we had this whole parenting thing covered.

We looked after critically ill infants and children every day, how hard could it be to parent a healthy child? Surely if anyone was going to be able to nail this kid thing it was us right? How incredibly wrong I was to assume that my career would be the perfect learning ground for Motherhood. Looking back now, the only skills I was equipped with were how to bath, dress and change a baby and how to recognise when an infant or child is seriously ill or in need of immediate medical attention. Sure, good skills to have, however, what I needed the most were skills in honouring myself and my needs as a woman and new Mother.

Back then my self–worth was very much entangled in my strong work ethic, willingness to put others’ needs and desires before my own, and my ability to get things done in a low-maintenance, no-fuss kind of way.

Honouring myself and my needs as a woman and new mother

I’ve always been a strong, capable person and during this time wore busyness as a badge of honour and had a master’s degree in martyrdom.

Looking back now, I realise there was an imbalance in the way I chose to experience my masculine and feminine sides, leaving little room for pleasure, stillness, softness and joy.

On the rare occasion when I did create space for myself, it was often in secret or when my husband would travel for work.
Energy, oracle cards and what our higher power is trying to communicate to us were never hot topics of conversation between the two of us, so I chose to hide my desire for a deeper understanding of my spirituality which began to create a deep incongruency within me and made me feel like I was living a double life.

Not being well-versed in articulating my needs to my husband, meeting them myself or creating much-needed time alone, I ended up spiraling into a very negative, terrifyingly unfamiliar space. I was diagnosed with postnatal depression when my daughter was 4 months old.

The beginning of my journey home

It was very clear that moving interstate with no support, being so unwell during my pregnancy, C-section surgery, parenting a toddler, AND my unresourceful beliefs and patterns had really had taken its toll.

It was, however, an incredibly empowering experience to be able to at least have some control over who was caring for me. It had been a long time since I had felt this level of entitlement and empowerment. This was one of the indicators my pilot light was still flickering in there somewhere. I had the motivation to heal.

Even though I knew things had to change, it took many years before I truly understood what that meant and what I needed to do to create the changes I wanted to see in myself and my family.
I was, however incredibly committed to healing myself and taking responsibility knowing it was up to me, is I believe, what has brought me the deep happiness I enjoy today.
I found incredible comfort in working with therapists who were experts in their field who had the capacity to hold space, work intuitively with my body and offer some much-needed understanding and support.

After regaining my strength, I returned to Nursing a few days a week. I would often do night shifts and sleep during the day while the kids were in daycare or school. It was on a casual basis, which suited us at the time due to my husband needing to travel with work.

Returning to paid employment brought some much-needed relief from the monotony I felt being a stay-at-home Mother with young children, boosted my confidence levels and helped out a little with the weekly budget.

Paediatric Nursing is both a physically and emotionally demanding job, so caring for other people’s unwell children for 8-12 hours and then coming home to care for my own wasn’t easy.

Still not having refined my skills in honouring my self-care needs, I would crash and burn a lot during these years. I was very inconsistent when it came to putting my needs in alignment with the others in my family.

Still proudly holding my master’s degree in Martyrdom and wearing busyness as a badge of honour, I secretly like it when other parents would say things like “Oh I don’t know how you do it all Karina, with your husband traveling, Nursing, and no family here to help you. You’re amazing!’  I enjoyed being seen to be having it all together and coping well. Being vulnerable and infallible was simply not an option back then.

My self-talk was never really berating but continued to be a bit more like ‘suck it up princess and just get on with it.’ I prided myself on being a low-maintenance kind of girl who didn’t like to be fussed over. This was clearly linked to my low self-worth and therefore a lack of ability to speak up for my needs.

I would make up all sorts of excuses why my husband didn’t have to help around the house or contribute equally to our parenting. “I only work part-time, I can do it or he’s got a high-pressure job and travels a lot, asking him to do more is unreasonable. This let him off the hook and became more and more passive in these roles.

This contributing to the unresourceful cycle of either being in crash and burn or recovering from it!

What I noticed looking back on this time was I rarely spoke up for my need for space and time for myself and never created experiences that brought me joy. The only time I accessed this sort of self-nourishment was in the weeks following a crash and burn when my husband would say to me “Why don’t you go and have some time to yourself or a massage or something?” I had to wait for ‘permission’ or be in a state of desperation or crisis to feel as though caring for myself was warranted.

Deeply loving who I am

Due to my sensitive, empathic nature and deeply ingrained unresourceful beliefs, there were many times during this period of my life where I wondered if it really is possible to be deeply in love with who I am and create a happy, connected family.

I would say the period over the past 15 years has been the most intense and rewarding in the sense that I have had a willingness to explore my shadow and explore my patterns and beliefs more than ever before. In doing so, I’m experiencing deeper levels of peace, contentment, confidence and happiness. ALTHOUGH in saying that, perimenopause has certainly thrown a spanner in the works! Some days, I literally feel like I’m going crazy!!!

That said, unshackling myself from the should’s and have to’s, embracing choice and learning how to say No gracefully and politely to the things I don’t want to do, have been game changers.

Honouring my preferences and choosing to spend time with people who energise me rather than bleed my dry, coupled with finding my voice and speaking up for my needs rather than getting to them after everyone else’s had been taken care of has been an incredibly empowering process and has effectively taught others how to respectfully treat me.

Refusing to buy into my old story and being brave enough to try new ways of being and doing things even if the results don’t match the effort in the beginning, means I look forward to creating my future knowing it doesn’t have to be a reflection of the negatives of my past.

By choosing to honour my sensitive, empathic nature, I now make decisions from a place of strength and confidence rather than uncertainty and mistrust and I take really good care of myself.

Having people walk beside me on this journey has been and will continue to be a crucial element of my return home. Sometimes I’ve had to search for them and other times they have just seemingly popped into my life when I’ve needed them. I think the most important element they’ve all had in common is the deep rapport we share. I know they truly get where I’m at because they’ve usually been there and moved through it. They always treat me with utmost respect and are equally happy to pull me up when I indulge in excuses and my old story. As top-class practitioners, they provide a warm judgement-free environment inviting me to explore my truth with confidence.

It is with such privilege and honour that I welcome you here. To hold you as you explore this uncertain phase of your life, to provide the space for you to heal from past hurts, upgrade your programming and enjoy the sweetness of deeply connected relationships.